Photo: Bek Andersen The day before Hurricane Sandy hit New York City I had one main concern: I hope my vagina looks awesome. I was on my way to a female group masturbation workshop where I was going to be “playing the clitar” in front of strangers for approximately five hours. If the world was ending, at least I was leaving with a bang. Multiple bangs if I was lucky.
She explained, “Orgasms have been very important to my life. I’ve always really depended on them. In a bad mood? Jerk off. Confused? Masturbate. Working on a painting and I’m stuck? Go lay down on the couch and have an orgasm.”When I arrived at the apartment, Carlin Ross, Betty’s smokin’ hot protégé, opened the door completely nude. “Take off your clothes in the foyer and then meet us in the main room,” she said. Things were becoming very Eyes Wide Shut, very fast.
The next thing we did was called “Genital Show and Tell” which was like kindergarten, but with way more vulva. Each woman took turns sitting next to Betty, legs spread with a mirror and light pointed at their ya-ya. It was our vagina’s big moment in the spotlight. Betty gave each person a detailed explanation of their particular anatomy and then everyone would give your punani a compliment. We all agreed that this would have been an amazing experience to have as a teenager.
Finally, it was our turn. Betty set the mood by lighting candles and turning on classic rock radio, because nothing says “arousal” like Aerosmith. With a set of tools next to each of us including Almond Oil, a metal barbell, and a wand vibrator, seven eager ladies put the metal to the petal.