Please Do Not Break Up With Me Unless You're Going to Pay a Celebrity to Do It

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When I was a sophomore in college, the guy I was dating broke up with me by reading to me from Descartes’s Meditations on Philosophy, a move so cryptic and weird I actually didn’t realize he had dumped me until several weeks later. I tell this story often as an example of an outrageous breakup, but it pales in comparison to the work of one Cheyenne, who allegedly paid Sugar Ray’s Mark McGrath to dump her long distance boyfriend over Cameo.

When I was a sophomore in college, the guy I was dating broke up with me by reading to me from Descartes’s, a move so cryptic and weird I actually didn’t realize he had dumped me until several weeks later. I tell this story often as an example of an outrageous breakup, but it pales in comparison to the work of one Cheyenne, who allegedly paid Sugar Ray’s Mark McGrath to dump her long distance boyfriend over Cameo.

Cameo, for the uninitiated, is an online service where you can hire celebrities to send your friends and family personalized messages, and rates tend to vary—Lisa Vanderpump requires $350 per message, but Tomi Lahren will terrorize your loved ones for $60. It looks like it only cost Cheyenne $100 to have McGrath dump her Brayden, her boyfriend of an indeterminate time and inconvenient location.

 

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