With Zombieland: Double Tap, the Franchise Should've Just Tapped out a Decade Ago

We rejoin our four ersatz family members a decade-ish after the zombie uprising of the first film, with our narrator Columbus catching us up on the lives of Tallahassee , Little Rock and Columbus’s now-girlfriend Wichita , who all live cozily together at the White House, because apparently in a decade no living human thought to hole up in that obviously safe fortress.

Eventually we join our heroes as they leave the White House, meeting a few new characters along the way, including dumb blonde joke Madison , dumb hippie joke Berkeley , an incomprehensibly sexy lady who’s sole purpose is a late movie deus ex machina and two character actors who probably came in to shoot for a few hours .

Meanwhile, our crew gets word of a “new” kind of zombie, one that’s mutated into what’s referred to as a “T-800,” nearly unstoppable. That really only matters in the film’s idiotic final setpiece, but otherwise is just part of the lazy plot detritus that supposedly took three people to come up with.

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