My son Paul was nine years old and running full tilt down the soccer field when he collided with a considerably larger kid from the opposing team. I have two distinct memories of what followed: The sight of Paul flat on his back, motionless , and the feeling of other parents' hands on my thigh and arms, keeping me from running to him.
But we moms didn’t run down to comfort our sons when they got hurt during a game. It was presumed humiliating to the boys and inappropriate hovering by the moms. No one ever actually told us this. But we knew. Just as there were rules on the field, so too were there rules on how to parent a son. And after delving into the topic, I found research backs me up: Studies show that boys who maintain close relationships with their moms have healthier lives, both physically and psychologically.
Just last month, the American Psychological Study released its first guidelines for clinicians treating boys and men. The APA found that traditional masculinity “marked by stoicism, competitiveness, domination and aggression” is harmful to guys. The harder boys and men cling to these norms, the less likely they are to seek help for their emotional or physical problems, and the more likely they are to engage in heavy drinking, smoking and other risky activities.
While I was raising my kids, I became aware of a double standard on parental influence. Dads were supposed to be important role models and close to their sons. Paul and his father made fire pits, watched games, went to sporting events - you know, guy stuff.
More studies needed.
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