My sister “Simone” lives abroad and has for almost five years. She has been in a relationship with “Jay” for almost three years, but we only met him last fall. Jay is a public figure, and for career reasons, he must be perceived as being single. He is under a tremendous amount of scrutiny, and from what I understand, Simone has signed several NDAs. Jay’s employers only recently allowed her to disclose his identity to us. Simone adores Jay, and Jay seems to love her right back.
This has raised some concerns for me about their relationship. I worry about Simone’s identity being revealed. People associated with Jay and others in his position are scrutinized to an intense degree, and others who’ve been found wanting have been intensely bullied. I also don’t know how to calm Simone’s fears that someone in our family will ruin everything. I have been asked to keep Simone and Jay a secret from my own partner.
Regardless of Jay’s professional commitments , if she’s made the decision to share information about him with a small group of people, it’s incumbent on her not to burden those people with repetitive monologues about how they’ll ruin her life if they ever spill the beans. Beyond that, I’d encourage you to be gracious about your sister’s feelings without feeling personally responsible for them. This may be a mistake , but it gets to be hers to make.
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