which would thrust Ferrera into mainstream fame and make her the first and last Latina to win a Lead Comedy Actress Emmy, is that true beauty comes from within.
But even as she emerged “as a symbol of embracing your beauty and telling beauty standards to fuck off,” inside, she felt differently. “I had internalized self-loathing,” she says today. Her idea of what was a beautiful and valuable woman, and the fact that that was white and thin, had been hammered into her from girlhood. “I was surrounded by women who deeply internalized those standards and expectations and taught them to me.
Even after her starring roles, Hollywood continued offering Ferrera gigs like “pregnant chola No. 2” and “gangbanger’s girlfriend.” Red carpets and photo shoots fomented her doubts — she would show up to fittings only to be presented with racks of sample-size clothes. “It was like,” she says.
Ferrera’s self-possession cracks when she talks about this period; she says that “rewiring” herself has been a lifelong process. Therapy helped, as did finally getting relief from an old shoulder injury, a relic of a car accident when she was a teen. Doctors wrote the injury off, prescribing her sleeping pills that she trashed, and by her mid-20s she was “in a debilitating amount of pain.
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