The feeling of being on stage and expressing myself through song has always sparked an inexplicable sense of joy in me, even to this day.My earliest attempts at performing onstage became bitter memories. I recall my anxiety and stage fright being on the stage alone for the first time.
What was supposed to bring me joy — performing for others — became a crippling fear of failure, an omnipresent anxiety that spread to other parts of my life.I was constantly interrupted by dark thoughts like"you're not good enough","no one cares about you", and"you're not worth it". These thoughts kept me up, fuelled ideas about self-harm, and made me dread the night time immensely.
For me, it took some encouragement from my close friends for me to decide to seek professional help for my anxiety.What was supposed to bring me joy — performing for others — became a crippling fear of failure, an omnipresent anxiety that spread to other parts of my life.Through CHAT, a national youth mental health outreach and assessment service, I found my therapist, Mei Yi, a counselling psychologist at Clarity Singapore who became my first bridge into the mental health community.
With my therapist's continued support, I was able to gradually find ways to let my “'friend” trust me enough to carve a better life for myself.Having a listening ear in Mei Yi made all the difference, because she helped me focus on improving and working on my dream, rather than be crippled by the thoughts of making mistakes.I realised that making music made me happy because it was something I enjoyed, not because I was seeking the validation of others.
Even so, my first song “I Am Enough” from the album was met with some disdain, telling me I wasn't good enough to sing.But one thing that my therapist taught me is to let go of what cannot be controlled.
Entitled soft generation.