'Cocaine Bear' Is a Buzz Kill

The movie is “inspired by real events” in the same way that the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is inspired by real marshmallows. The true cocaine bear, which roamed the Georgia mountains until one fateful day in 1985, was of the American Black variety, weighing in at 175 pounds. The story goes that a police officer-turned-drug smuggler hurled several duffle bags of cocaine from a plane and then met his own demise while trying to parachute from the craft himself.

Creative liberties, fortunately, were taken for the film. This bear has a lot more fun. The movie opens on a plane zooming over the forests of Chattahoochee, Georgia, with an aviator-clad guy who cannot be anything other than an ’80s drug dealer disco dancing and hurling red duffle bags out of the emergency door. He meets nearly the same inglorious end as his real-life counterpart, banging his head and falling out unconscious after the bags.

The stage is set, then, for a cast of wacky characters to descend on Blood Mountain to retrieve the gear. You have Syd White, arch-drug dealer ; his wimpy son with a penchant for plain penne pasta ; and Syd’s deputy, Daveed, played by O’Shea Jackson Jr. There is also a police detective, played by’s Isiah Whitlock Jr., who is hot on their trail and worried about his coiffured “fancy dog,” Rosette.

A lot of people who’ve seen it enjoyed it, so definitely go watch it for yourself & basically disregard this whole review

Mute

I think it's stupid looking but my friends want to see it. Age range from 20 - 62, I've been outvoted on this one. I think I might come down with a case of the 3 hour covid.

You probably liked Sharknado though, right? edgelords

Watched it last night and absolutely loved it.

This isn’t shocking

Seriously, what did you expect?

Would it have been better if the bear were on a different substance? Is that what the sequels will explore? I’ll watch the next one if the bear is high as fuck the whole movie eating everyone’s food & doing funny bear stuff. But that seems too close to a live action yogibear

wow! i'd never imagine a movie called 'cocaine bear' about a bear on cocaine wouldn't be good...

Nah its a masterpiece

Does the entire Wired crew agree? Or is it just one person (Will) that gets to decide Wired’s stance on movies?

Who woulda thought…

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