Panicked ‘Cocaine Bear’ Producers Scrambling To Expand 4 Minutes Of Social Media Clips Into Actual Movie

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HOLLYWOOD—Rushing to gather as much footage as they could piece together from what was already available on the internet, panicked producers of the film Cocaine Bear were scrambling Friday to expand four minutes of social media clips into an actual movie. “Shit, we didn’t think anyone was actually going to expect an…

HOLLYWOOD—Rushing to gather as much footage as they could piece together from what was already available on the internet, panicked producers of the filmwere scrambling Friday to expand four minutes of social media clips into an actual movie. “Shit, we didn’t think anyone was actually going to expect an entire feature film version

of the six or seven clips that are on Twitter and Facebook,” said producer Elizabeth Banks, doing her best to remain composed as she used the same clip of the bear looking angry multiple times to create several more minutes of a final cut. “If I put all the scenes of the bear chasing Keri Russell and the other cast members in slow-mo, that will probably get us to about 15 or 20 minutes.

y putting the finishing touches on an extended 45-minute credits sequence for the film’s release this weekend.

 

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LOL nice LOL

The sequel ADHD Cub is less riveting, but it will make your cry.

They will have grin and cocaine Bear it.

It's produced by the producers famous for making bad movie pitches work

Wasn’t as crazy as I was expecting.

Oh! So. The bear. It does cocaine.

GoodthingtheymademorecocainebecausebearsdeservecocainewealldeservecocainelikemeIneedmorecocaine! NOWGIVEMETHREEESPRESSOSHOTS!! *twitch, twitch* *sniffle*

this movie is hard as hell i dont care what anyone says

It’s called Cocaine Bear. It doesn’t even have to be good, the name alone makes it, conservatively, one billion times better than Citizen Kane.

Hyped for the sequel - Molly Bear

Hmmm...disappointed Onion. You're usually funny but this is pretty lame. Maybe watch it first? Just an idea. CocaineBear AMC

Cocaine Bear vs. Blood & Honey Bear: who wins?

lmfao

No way it’ll be as popular as WEED BEAR. Sleep, eats honey, forgets pants. Typical stoner behavior.

Cocaine Bear isn't pleased.

Just show a bunch of polar bears hanging out - “Wow, look at all that snow!”

This is a movie about cocaine written by stoners

philiplord chrizmillr

The film sounds like it was written by an 11 year old who just discovered reddit in 2012

They just need to paws for a minute and think it through.

Cocaine bear sweep

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