I wouldn’t have been surprised to find this delivery company was running the country – it would explain a lot‘There was just one problem. It wasn’t my foot.’Sun 25 Dec 2022 07.00 GMTe have successfully delivered your package”, the delivery company said, and to prove it, they sent me a photo of a woman’s foot. I didn’t recognise the foot. Or the door. But they were insistent they’d been successful at their ONE JOB.
Anyway, luckily on the email there was a pin that took me to the exact location it was delivered. Twenty minutes away. In the middle of a busy road. It may as well have been at the bottom of the ocean for all the good it did me. I took to roaming the streets trying to identify the door from the brickwork and the door frame, like a sort of shit Sherlock Holmes.
For a few days, I’d get emails from the delivery company, saying: how did we do? I gave them one out of five. If I had been able to give them zero I would have, but that wasn’t an option. “We’re sorry to hear that,” they said. “Was your driver too early? Was he too cheerful for your liking? Did you not like his hat?” No option for: I never got my parcel you useless bastards.
Then more messages from the robot … “There was nowhere to leave your parcel so we set fire to it. Is that OK? In future, if you’re not in, shall we just hand it to the first person we see? Or would you prefer that we shoved it down a drain?”