I spent half a decade working to get into medical school, then another six years training to become a doctor, but it took just four months in my dream job before I was completely flattened by it.
This hospital’s legacy of chaos is well known, and I realised the stress of working there would likely be worse than what people had warned me about.I expected that I’ll work long hours, that I’ll have to deal with losing patients, that there would be unkind seniors and. But I did not anticipate that I’d have to face all of it at once, all the time.
One day I arrived at the hospital to find a patient’s bed drenched in blood; she had a rare blood condition and had bled all night. The nurses didn’t notice because the night shift was understaffed. Every time I tried to figure out how I got to this place, I would retrace my steps only to find that it was all me. I made decisions and commitments that led me to this. For what? Dread, a deep hatred for my job and anger at the path I had chosen.