Illustration: Pedro Nekoi I have this problem that I just discovered while watching A Princess for Christmas, a Hallmark Christmas movie on Netflix. Sitting here and watching this delightful film, I came to understand that vulnerability makes me absolutely anxious.
Why does the prince have to be her brother-in-law? Why must the main character be specifically skilled at spotting and rating antiques? Why is the little girl addicted to Doritos? I don’t know. Papi, how do I begin to open up again? I don’t want to hide behind clever jokes and avoidant tactics. I want to be fully vulnerable with the people I love, but I’m not sure if I know how to do that again.Well, that might be the most emotional mileage anyone has gotten out of A Princess for Christmas, so congrats on that.
As a kid, I used to be super annoyed with a common trope, one that pops up in many Christmas films: the jaded adult with a heart of stone, allergic to joy, and apathetic to the world around them. Typically, this harrowed grown-up repels happiness and rejects all the love offered to them from their neglected family or their love interest. “Just loosen up!” I would feel like shouting at the screen.
Regardless, I understand your desire to return to softness, to the days before you knew to be guarded. I understand the fearful question: Have I buried my inner child in an attempt to protect them? Aren’t you, at the end of the day, just afraid? For all this talk of becoming jaded and your heart hardening, it sounds like you are still quite vulnerable. Look at you, HH! Look at us! Aren’t we hiding behind a couch like children, scared to get hurt? Isn’t running away one of the most childish things a person can do?