LOS ANGELES—Screaming in terror at the approaching hordes of hissing, red-eyed former celebrities, attendees at the 93rd Academy Awards fled Sunday as the actors featured during the ceremony’s “In Memoriam” segment crawled out of the screen and began devouring Gary Oldman.
“Oh Christ, now Aaron Sorkin’s lying in a pool of his own blood while the horrible, ravening mouths of Jerry Stiller and Ian Holm lap it up,” said nominee Vanessa Kirby, stabbing her heel into the skull of a lumbering, moaning Wilford Brimley before rushing towards the exit. “It all happened so fast, the documentary short nominees never stood a chance against Kirk Douglas. Fuck, it’s carnage, absolute carnage.
woopsididdit
Wilford Brimley is going to cut Diabedes out of someone.
RobotBrush Gary Oldman being in next years In memoriam is a spoiler.
That’s old, man.
Is...is that Wilford Brimley with a knife?
Sirius Black can’t catch a break.
and nothing of value was lost
Social justice bozos
😂🤣😂🤣I just pissed myself laughing!
If this could somehow actually happen, I'd watch.
It *was* a free bar. That's how you attract Sean Connery
The zardoz costume is 🔥 🔥 🔥
BAHAHAHAHA
They're trying to retake the founding titan from Seth Rogen
I missed this part, I think.
🤣🤣
Di?
Luckily for the majority of the nominees, Gary Oldman is at the London site
Onion in need of new writers.
That theater was built on an ancient thespian burial ground. Was bound to happen eventually.
LOL, you had to go for the Zardoz, didn't you?
Fortunately it went by so fast they didn't have a chance.
Not Gary Oldman!
Age 8, he had an accident that badly affected his right eye. Doctors concluded he would need a corrective surgery. Oscars TylerPerry
That would have made it worth watching! 🧟🧟♀️🧟♂️
stephen ogg lookin ass
No one watches Zardoz and lives. No one.