What Is Shiva Now?

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'The act of eating around other people who are mourning is not one I particularly enjoy, but it is one of the deepest and most profound eating experiences there is.' imjasondiamond writes on the virtual shiva and missing a very specific type of eating

Rachel Sennott stars as Danielle in the new film “Shiva Baby.” Photo: Maria Rusche, Shiva Baby By July of last year, I’d already grown used to receiving email invites to attend a “virtual shiva” — at least, as used to that sort of thing as anyone could get. At first, it was bizarre, a bunch of mourners in our little Zoom boxes. Even the people who had lost loved ones would crack up at the weirdness of the whole thing, with random folks “dropping in” to pay them a visit.

“Food really helps that process when we are in person,” says Rabbi Ariann Weitzman. “I have heard many people express dissatisfaction with Zoom shiva because there isn’t a sense that it is acceptable to just be silent, there is no way to just sit with another person without it being awkward.” Another Jewish tradition I love is mining our most awkward and often painful moments for material. This is maybe what first made me notice Shiva Baby, the new movie that debuts in theaters and on streaming this week, and which fits comfortably into a certain, very specific canon of 21st-century movies — along with the Coen brothers’ A Serious Man, and the Safdie brothers’ Uncut Gems —that are darkly humorous and anxiety-provoking in equal measure.

Seligman knew it was crucial to nail the spread. “My production designer and art team were just like, We get it. You need bagels.” Then they kept going. “At first there were just bagels and lox,” Seligman says, “but I was like, “Where’s the cream cheese?” So I kept stressing the whole bagel spread. I was like, ‘Tuna. Egg. Cream cheese.’”

 

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