YELLOW SPRINGS, OH—Expressing concern that the actions of the feline had exposed deficiencies in his parenting skills, pet owner Aaron DeSpiegler admitted Tuesday he was deeply worried he may not be caring or responsible enough to be a father after his adopted cat, Muffin, killed four children and a teacher and wounded several others in a middle school shooting.
“I always believed I had what it took to have a family, but now that I know Muffin was able to buy an AR-15 at a gun show without my knowledge and take it to school, I don’t know if I’m cut out for the much larger responsibility of having a child,” said DeSpiegler, who claimed he was able to keep his pet sheltered and healthy but is not certain he provided adequate emotional support for his obviously troubled cat.
Modern day puss in boots
Cats are assholes, don't sweat it.
once again, proof that guns don’t kill people.....adopted cats do.
What a trakitty
Next to the onion rings, you're my favorite The Onion.
Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur...
Can always blame the biological parents though
I have to start bringing my adopted buddy to a shrink.
It's fine, I had my dog maul the neighbors downstairs but it was for a good cause...
Hmm. Was the gun registered?
He shouldn't blame himself. It's obviously the children's fault.
Should have got a dog 🤭
I was on the once about liking this one or not, mainly because it's hard to joke about suicide or school shootings, but nevertheless The Onion once again provided for a guilty laugh....
Toonses, NO!
He was able to teach a cat with no fingers to shoot a gun that probably weighs almost as much or more than the cat does. Imagine trying to control the recoil of a gun that is almost the same weight as you or heavier.
I wonder what pushed him over the edge? Was it another cat?
Toonces? That car crash must've messed him up bad.
Blame the catnip...
That’s typical cat behavior, it’s fine
Shoulda adopted a dog
I thought onion was supposed to satire?
Bad cat, bad cat whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they come for you? Bad cat, bad cat whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?
Stupid. Not funny. Unsettling. and Lame.
It does give one paws 🤔
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
AlexanderRispo1 Fuck!😂😂😂
kamsays
-- That cat shouldn't have been playing violent video games.
Had a cat like that, he would have done it given the opportunity.
Thumbs down on this one.
you can't always blame the parent... who knows what's going on in their Middle School minds?
Maybe don’t joke about shooting things up right now?
cats just do that kind of stuff don't worry about it
Thoughts and purrayers.
MarkJ16072000 I could tell that cat was not good from the moment I saw it. Those eyes....
I am not surprised! This is what you get when you do not change the litter box daily. The father should be charged along with his little kitty.
Please tell him it wasn't his fault. The feline clearly had issues. 😋
Not funny. Try harder.
Further proof tds takes away your sense of humor. I'm sure the parents who lost their children to such violence find this hilarious.
Look cats aren’t evil, ok? They just need to reaffirm their power sometimes. Can’t have things turning into chaos can we?
Kitten thinks of nothing but murder all day.
Lmao
dont you hate it when your cat shoots up a middle school
In this instance I am absolutely blaming the parent.
Love you guys, but SCHOOL SHOOTINGS WILL NEVER BE FUNNY. EVER.
Garfield, what did you do?
The cat was exercising his second amendment rights.
Oh my
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Clearly it's time we talk about mental health
DeepStateGypsy in 2020 this story is more believeable then the crap the gop spews 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Not ridiculous enough. Seems like this could be true based on 2020.
Lemme guess...fur daddy is gonna blame the music industry or Call of Duty Mobile?
this is so sad
I would to if my cat committed meow-der
Maybe he should try a hamster
Don't blame him, they just needed to be stopped by a good cat with a gun
Cat has no re-Morris.
what happens when the p___y grabs back...
Not funny.