You’ll inspire thousands to go out and do something with their lives in order not to wind up being as pathetic and useless as you are.The rescue workers won’t need to knock down an entire wall of your house to get you out, but they want to make you feel extra fat.You’ll resolve not to fall for the same old tricks just as your shoelace goes untied, a menacing figure looms up right behind you, and you finally find true love.
People have a hard enough time believing “timbersports” are a real thing without you trying to achieve notoriety by becoming its all-time most penalized participant.It turns out that sorting is one of God’s least favorite things, as you’ll learn this week when you decide to kill them all and let Him sort them out.You’ve decided to pull one last big job and then retire, although it is unclear exactly how this will work for a trombone instructor.
Hmm . . .
The Onion didn't get the memo.
The Cancer horoscope is the most accurate one I've ever read.
I know what to do now. Thank you.
The only horoscope I trust.
as a Taurus. that hit a little close to home
Ragging on my love life again, Onion? You don't know me! Or... the stars don't know me!
My zodiac sign is GPU and I can't find it in the article. *sad*
Ah the star children have blessed us with another reading
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Source: RollingStone - 🏆 483. / 51 Read more »