NASA Launches Paparazzo Rover In Beverly Hills To Search For Signs Of Salacious Celebrity Life

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BEVERLY HILLS—Emphasizing that the mission would finally give humans unprecedented access to juicy, A-list action, NASA scientists told reporters Wednesday that they had launched a paparazzo rover in Beverly Hills to search for signs of salacious celebrity life. “After years of simply researching from afar, NASA’s new paparazzo rover will allow scientists to prove once and for all that celebs are not just out there, but that they are a drunken, sloppy mess,” said spokeswoman Hayley Emmanuel, who added that the unmanned vehicle, which cost 3.5 billion dollars, was fully equipped with heat sensors and infrared detectors as well as a 600 mm telephoto lens capable of detecting a nip slip, cellulite, or weight gain from hundreds of feet away. “For the next several years, we hope this revolutionary device will allow humans to traverse Rodeo Drive and document celebrity shenanigans in vivid color. Imagine, being able to see a high-as-hell Miley Cyrus fighting tooth and nail with a bouncer, or analyze a high-res image of Ben Affleck’s back tattoo. At this point, we can’t even imagine what that will look like, but we know it will be spectacular.” At press time, NASA had announced the rover was in grave danger of powering down after it accidentally flipped over near the Beverly Hills Hotel, leaving its solar panels facing the wrong direction.

 

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What the rover is reporting currently

Los Angeles City Council Member Mike Bonin “Solves Homelessness” using Virtual Reality.

Smexy...

Will they get a good mechanic to fix the broken Rover?

Won’t find any in Beverly Hills

Look they typoed Beverly Hills.

more like harvey levin and tmz

And right down Doheney Drive

Bravo The Onion, Bravo

And then they have a Robot meeting in an office room with a robot leader with a sippy cup.

Maybe not NASA, but TMZ for sure.

'There appears to be no sign of intelligent life anywhere!'

You'll find them in their backyard doing multiple takes of singing 1 line

This should be quick

Throw a stone and hit one🤪

As always, the question is: Why, like Yutu & Yutu-2 & Rosalind Franklin, do often rovers have familiar *form* as MarsRovers Spirit & Oppy?!?! ThanksSpirit TnanksOppy

Wait, are those teenage boys coming in and out of ScottBaio's house? Construction workers, I'm sure.

They should launch a rover to look for intelligent life Beverly Hills. That would be a more difficult challenge.

No signs of intelligent life.. 😬🦠😷🇨🇦

I'm dead

I'm guessing this mission started with the phrase, 'Dude, hear me out on this.'

Look.... It's Angelina Jolie... gardening

...or any sign of intelligent life.

You messed up Onion- Way funnier if it went- NASA Launches Paparazzo Rover In Beverly Hills To Search For Signs Of INTELLIGENT Life Im for hire- you need me

The most Salacious celebrity I know.

Pedorover just needs to go to local high schools and wait for the celebrities.

😆

the article is fucking genius.

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