Study Finds Leading Cause Of Childhood Obesity Witches Fattening Up Children To Be Eaten

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ATLANTA—Urging parents to learn about the dangers lurking in the enchanted forest, a new study from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found Monday that the leading cause of childhood obesity was malevolent witches fattening up children with an intention to eat them. “Our findings show that more and more young Americans have been wandering into the woods, only to be accosted by an old, magical crone who wants nothing more than to plump them up like a piggie and get them ready for stew,” said CDC chief of staff Kyle McGowen, noting a strong statistical correlation between rising BMI percentages and children eating all the Turkish delight, bread pudding, and homemade taffy that their little hearts desire. “Unfortunately, the correlation between excess weight gain and being placed in a steaming cauldron by a witch while she hand-feeds you cherry pie and cackles is extremely high. And what’s worse, by the time these children find themselves on a dinner platter with an apple shoved in their mouths, it’s already too late.” While McGowen emphasized that there was no quick fix to this epidemic, he advised children to leave a trail of breadcrumbs wherever they go, just in case.

 

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There it is! mbt103

Did my witch forget about me? WTF?

I knew it.

Not my moms...

😂😂😂

Why have we not heard about this tragic epidemic on the Democrat debate stage?

This is why witches manage McDonald's franchises.

can u please put this on ur instagram so I can share it to my story

Or parents just letting the kids graze

That’s right, stigmatise the witches. Why is the hideous evil hag always in the wrong?

Fake news again. Once we decide to fatten up a little boy or girl who got lost in the big scary wood, they never get away.

Where are your minds folks

Why are all the witches in the USA?

Quick! Get this to 4Chan so Q can be alerted! Witches must have invented pizza!

Jonathan Swift knew what time it was. amodestproposal

'Double, double, toil and blubber.'

Old witch has high cholesterol, who’s having the last laugh now 👏

They use vending machines in schools the modern age.

That is a horrible way to talk about Someones Mom

I hope Paula White doesn't see this. She'd pray that all these kids get anorexia.

Who let you in our little secret

The Grimm brothers warned us and we didn't listen!

These are old witches. Modern witches don't bake. McDonald's delivers now.

This almost looks like a snooty 'Yo Mama' joke.

No way. This is a tragedy!

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