Experts Unable To Determine Why Someone As Rich As Justin Bieber Even Needs To Believe In God Anymore

📆 1/27/2020 11:53 PM
📰 TheOnion

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CAMBRIDGE, MA—Explaining that the evidence “simply does not add up,” experts at Harvard Divinity School told reporters Monday that they were unable to comprehend why someone as rich as Justin Bieber even needs to believe in God anymore. “According to our research, there’s no possible explanation as to what a divine deity could even offer that would appeal to a multimillionaire like Justin Bieber,” said Dr. Frederick Tanner, who noted that the pop star has continued to proclaim his faith in God over the years despite the fact that every album he’s ever released has easily shot straight to the top of the charts. “Look, we’re researchers. We make next to nothing. God could help us, so it makes sense that we believe in God. But this guy is 25 years old and lives in a huge mansion. He performs sold-out shows before thousands of screaming fans every night. Frankly, it’s foolish to believe in an interventionist God when you already have everything you could want.” At press time, Tanner had dropped to his knees and declared that Justin Bieber was God.

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selena gomez should believe in god for allowing her to exist without him

Mike Bloomberg has already acquired Heaven, in a leveraged buyout, for his 2020 campaign.

I don’t care how rich he is, his abuse of his guitar should be punishable by lashings.

I wish I didn't have to believe in the existence of Justin Bieber. Why oh why god, if you are just and loving, do you allow things like Auschwitz and Bieber.

So you are saying that only the poor need God,cause the rich has their money.' Remember,the fool and his money shall be parted.All the money in the world,cannot save a rich mans soul.

“Jesus rapped.”

I’ll tell you this, I stopped saying “never” because of him. Then I tried to fly off of my god-damn roof! It was amazing! I saw all the neighborhood coming at me at an incredible speed. I’ll never trust that asshole again.

It's called faith and why not

Joel and Kanye: But all wealth comes from God and should be tax deductible.

So people only believe in God until they have a better life 🤔

Who the fuck are experts?

Money dont cure mental illness, loneliness, plus Justin is the type of celebrity who easily isolated himself because of fame so now he needs community. A sense of feeling included. Religion is the easiest way to get these voids filled in.

Hillsong turns up, tbh.

So does that mean only poor people should believe in god?

Once you reach a certain amount of wealth you should automatically stop believing in God?

Have to first believe in God, to make a pact with Satan for stardom.

idc what he believes but can he wash his face at least

What experts though?...

i'd completely forgotten this person exists.

Hahahahahahahahahahah

Wtf,.. so what do you want him to believe in?

Because he wants to go yo heaven and meet Station, obviously.

It's part of their long-term posthumous retirement plan.

Someone needs to agree with his hot takes on abortion.

You tried. For fresher satire, visit TheBabylonBee.

pays better than musician

god, and also jesus

It's his comfort blanket?

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