, three quarters of a million Americans die annually during their first attempt to get back in shape.
“We found that, each year, about 225,000 out-of-shape Americans collapse and perish within the first three minutes of attempting to start jogging again, with most typically not making it to the end of their own block,” said study co-author Kathy Lyons, adding that a further 60,000 Americans who decide to improve their health by swimming laps succumb to overexertion every year and sink to the bottom of the pool and drown after just a few strokes.
That's me
I knew it!
I thought you guys thought that any weight is healthy?
I heard that chasing cock...I mean chickens...in the street can help you get in shape real fast.
*final attempt
Bit irresponsible this as it could easily be true
I'm trying to get into casket shape
Monarchy is bullshit. 👎🏽
Hmm actually cannot tell if you are being truthful here or not to be honest 🤣
Good
I'll be 750,001
I feel attacked
🤣🤣
Yeah I aint gettin out of this bed never
If you do the conversion based on weight, that's 2.25 Million Frenchmen/women or 2.5 Million Spaniards.
I can relate.
This hits a bit close
Gym employees on January 1st
Thanks Onion, relaxing our drives towards vanity through logic and terror.
Colin Murray?
Bhahahabhahhhaaa!!!! *choke*
Oh?
I feel attacked
That’s why I refuse to work out - it’s majorly risky. Sometimes you just have to accept that you’re a big person.
🍀😊🍀
Population control
I’m one of them 🙏
This is evil
More like 4mm
I wonder of they would have tried had they known they werent gonna make it - Deep Thoughts
This sounds plausible
I did it, I survived!
So....you are just trying to keep people out of your gym, with these falsehoods? I hate the newbies too but I enjoy seeing people stick it out and change.
The Purge
TomTSEC That settles it then..
Ironically, this is going to prevent a lot of people from getting in shape 😂
Tell that to crowds at the gym
Gonna play it safe and stay in bed all day. For my health
5potter Could be me lol
I die every time I even look at gym equipment
Oh you bastards.
I'm a Survivor!
Hahahaha!
I'm praying Trump has an urge to get back in shape.
Sounds like it could be true.
'FINGERS CROSSED!'
Probably wont kill you but why take a chance? XD
Quitters
I wonder what the number of deaths not working out is? 🤔
That’s bull crap numbers
Why are all your stock photos only of white people?
Thoughts and prayers.
The Grinch is still active and writing for The Onion.
Who needs Isis when Mcdonalds can do the job for you.